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COWS, AND OTHER KAK

// February 10th, 2010 // business, funness, humour, random madness

Today’s theme is COWS, kiddies. For 3 reasons

1. I awoke to this year under a warm steamy pile of cow poo, which appears to be getting bigger faster than I can dig myself out of it. Tomorrow I shall be provided a periscope from my employer in order to see exactly how many more cows’ bottoms are aligned and ready to poop. I am as excited as a very small, furry excited thing, I can tell you. (And everything hippies say about little freezing swallows and warm piles of cow poo? Absolute bollocks – it’s a KAK place to be)

2. I have a strange love of all things bovine (for reasons unknown to me), including the little drawing on the left (artist unknown, but much respected)

3. I was sent this email today – it’s done the rounds a zillion times in a zillion formats, but I particularly like the inclusion of Australia in this version.

Finance for non-financial Managers OR A million ways to worry a cow.

A NAMIBIAN CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • You make biltong…


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
  • You are surprised when the cow drops dead.


A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • You go on strike because you want three cows.
  • They get stolen, so you blame the previous regime’ and steal someone else’s cows and shoot their owner.


A ZIMBABWEAN CORPORATION

  • A farmer has two cows.
  • You take over his farm, eat both cows and wait for the international community to supply more.


A JAPANESE CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the  milk.
  • You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.


A GERMAN CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.


A BRITISH CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • Both are mad.


AN INDIAN CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • You pray to them for food.


AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

  • You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
  • You break for lunch.


A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • You count them and learn you have five cows.
  • You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
  • You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
  • You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.


A SWISS CORPORATION

  • You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
  • You charge others for storing them.


A CHINESE CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • You have 300 people milking them.
  • You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.


AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
    The one on the left is kinda cute…

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