wikidknickers

WHICH DIRECTION IS NORTH IN SOUTH AFRICA? A FIFA IDIOT’S GUIDE

// November 19th, 2009 // funness, humour, random madness

Again, apologies for not posting for ages..I know my whole 3 readers have really really missed me …you have , right? Guys?…Guys?………uys…………uys…..…..s?

What with extreme insanity in my life right now, I’m finding it fucking hard to smile – I’m seeing a pattern with my posting. When I find something funny enough to pull me out of a really bad space, I have to share it, so here it is….some real and very earnestly expressed concerns from future World Cup 2010 visitors to our wonderful country.

Funny FIFA 2010 World Cup Questions
These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website by foreigners around the world and were answered by the website owner (great sense of humour!). 

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much youve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, its only two thousand kilometres take lots of water…

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes…

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not…oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and well send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do..

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, WE don t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)
A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969 and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but youll have to learn it first.