wikidknickers

FRESH CARNAGE

// May 10th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // dirt on the author, lists, marketing

In honour of my failing pain meds, a non-stop marathon of Law and Order SVU  and the devious douchebags I used to work for, I have decided on a nice bloodspatter reskin for the blog. Seriously folks, after the balding psychopath manager (am I the only one who finds hair loss more disturbing on a woman?), the conniving fucks in our HR department and my exploding gallbladder, I think I’ve fulfilled my “shit I have to put up with” quota for this year.

I have found sanity and freedom in going freelance and doing the jobs I want to do, rather than taking orders from the likes of menopausal mary. I must admit to getting a jolly dose of shadenfreude at seeing the shocking standards of the design work that have  prospered in my absence…courtesy of our HR director’s daughter I’m told! (Can you spell nepotism? Oh It’s OK if the DA does it…its just when the ANC gets away with it that it becomes an issue.) I must say, life is a lot warmer down here in reality… far away from the that mythical terrain, the moral higher ground, that the DA grubs to occupy.

I also get to spend a lot more time doing the things I want to do, and one of those things is Cracked.com. I swear this site has improved my recovery speed and is not only prime A-grade time-wasting gold, but is actually quite informative (assuming you find knowing the 6 most horrid ways to die as useful as I do), as well as having a name I can totally relate to.

Here, courtesy of my now non-existent gallbladder, are my 10 fave articles for the last few months:

8 Terrifying Instruments Old-Time Doctors Used on Your Junk

7 Man-Made Substances that Laugh in the Face of Physics

6 Ridiculous Sex Myths (That Are Actually True)

12 ‘Sexy’ Ads That Will Give You Nightmares

The 5 Creepiest Unsolved Crimes Nobody Can Explain

6 Real People Who Turned Their Homes Into Death Traps

and the cherry on top….

Twilight – making vampires gay since 2005

My felicitous pericombobulations to you all…

// January 5th, 2010 // No Comments » // dirt on the author, funness, humour

Yes, I have been watching Blackadder. I received the full giftbox set for Christmas from my beloved brother, who shall forevermore be in my good graces, and have been watching non stop since then (the two words used in this post title are from the episode in which Blackadder attempts to piss off Samuel Johnson by creating words that don’t appear in his dictionary…for those who needed reminding. For the uninitiated…..get off this blog and initiate yourselves damn you, and don’t come back until you know all the words of the little goblin song, or you shall have a spanking and no cake.)

Due to some, shall we say, ‘unusual’ circumstances at work, I have been working from home for nearly 2 months now and while I haven’t had much of a holiday over the festive season as certain matters remain unresloved, I have had the time to put together an online portfolio (which I have been meaning to do for aaages) You can see it HERE (you lucky thing, you!).

You will notice I still have to design a header for this blog, about which I’ve been very lazy (so what’s new?) But I promise it is almost next on my list of things to do (after unblocking the drains, sanding down the skirting boards and milking the family cow).

Most of my new year’s resolutions came somewhere close to being fulfilled last year.

1. I did go back to the gymn (for a while) until I didn’t go back often enough and they cancelled my membership. I bought myself a new membership for Christmas, and intend to stubbornly stick to my guns this time.

2. I tried to eschew negative people and negative vibes, and the minute I presented the universe with that challenge, I was roundly bitchslapped (remember, we don’t get to choose all the people we have to interact with).

3. Found plenty of sunshine, especially in the last month, and am now toasty brown

4. I came very close to buying my dream bike…that carrot still is still dangling, but dangling much closer.

5. What I DID do right, was quit smoking (4 and a half months ago) and as of Thursday the 7th, won’t have touched alcohol in 2 years!

SO…  This year:

1. Keep up the gymn, try to stick to a healthy diet.

2. Remember you can’t avoid negative people and negative vibes, but you can choose whether they become blips on your radar or flies in your Evian.

3. Buy the goddamn motorcycle and get the hell out of town more often!

Love to you all peeps – hope this new decade (if it is a new decade) meets and exceeds your wishes and expectations. 2009 was a year with a great deal of breakage, damage and sudden pain for me – Kali stepped up to the plate and went to with her chainsaw. If the cycle has its way, I can only hope that 2010 will be a year of healing, restoration and creation.

I leave you for now with this AWESOME cartoon clip given to me by a friend today, which has to do with cats and flies and love and furniture and stuff…

A KINKY START TO 2009

// January 1st, 2009 // 1 Comment » // dirt on the author, friends, funness

Hi Folks

This will be short and sweet, as I’ve been photo editing all day (sad, isn’t it?), and looking for decent (FREE) watermarking software – I finally found PicWatermark, which does the job nicely.

I went to 4 different new year parties (*quite* the social butterfly, doncha know), and ended up seeing off 2008 (2000 and great, as I’ve called it) and dancing in 2009 (2000 and fine?) to the Time Warp, the Beatles and Mr. Mojo Risin at Decodance in Salt River.

The event was a Rocky Horror Picture Show party, with a live interactive screening of the movie and all sorts of goodies to go along with it. I even managed to squeeze into one of my corsets after much deliberation (reinforcing that inevitable ‘go back to gymn’ new year’s resolution which I make every year and never keep). Here are a couple of shots from the evening…I’ve uploaded the rest onto my Photobucket profile, here. Most of the names I don’t know, so if you’d like to be tagged, drop me a mail at wikidknickers@gmail.com

Lady Bea

Naughty Magenta

Yours truly in full tart regailia

As for NewYear’s resolutions, I rarely make them, but this year actually feels different. I’m going with:

1. Go back to gymn (again)

2. Eschew negative people, negative vibes and self torture (which I have turned into an art form in the last two years)

3. Look for sunshine.

4. Buy a BMW 650GS, even if it means selling my house.

COMPLETE AND UTTER BASTARD

// June 9th, 2008 // 1 Comment » // dirt on the author, friends

Thank you Jayx for tagging me in your horrid game of tag, knowing full well I’m much too nice a person to send this on to anyone else and thus subject the to the humiliation of forced revelation (or, more accurately that being a complete n00b, I actually have no-one else to tag).

Fortunately, I missed the last round , which was scarily revealing in terms of Opels and plastic surgery, nuff said.

SO. It goes thusly:

You’re about to embark on a road trip to a theme party. You’re only allowed 5 CD’s, 3 essential items and are prompted to take along one outrageous/stupid item of clothing that you have to wear at the theme party to make you stand out (you must currently be in possession of this item of clothing). Do this and then TAG 5 people.

My CD collection:

1. Green Day – American Idiot
2. U2 – All that you can’t leave behind
3. Linkin Park – Meteora
4. The Eagles – live in Melbourne (yes, it’s dorky but I’ll always be a cow(girl) at heart)
5. Some random mix of classical music for the really scenic places

Essential items:

1. 2 cartons of Stuyvesant mild (3 depending on the budget)
2. Knickers
3. Moffie bag (soap, toothbrush, rubber duck, etc)

My outfit would include amongst other things, my red cowboy hat with the “I am not KAK” sticker on it, cowboy boots (obviously), red knickers, eyepatch and fishnet stockings – you fill in the rest.

The tag? To anyone who dares….

THE n00b CHRONICLES (II) – HOT TUBS AND THE HOLY GRAIL…

// May 10th, 2008 // 1 Comment » // dirt on the author, geek stuff

The first thing about the net that really hooked me was IRC – office hours were long and often dull, and i made lots of friends in the ‘hot tub’ or “truth and dare” rooms, as well as encountering plenty of strange blokes who insisted on sending me pictures of their willies (as a rule, guys, unless you really have something to brag about, don’t advertise it) – so much for my dreams of finding romance online. I quickly developed a well-honed pervert – radar, which has served me well over the years and more often than not has given me cause to be very grateful for that lifesaving “block user” button.

We were eventually banned from IRC, after which the internet became a very boring place. After a change of jobs (for the better!), which has materialised as a change in career, thanks to some short courses, a lot of ongoing self-teaching and one very good online best friend and tutor (you know who you are), I now feel naked and alone without internet access.

I think I found my holy grail in StumbleUpon, which i discovered in 2006 –I couldn’t believe I’d found a search engine that would find me things I might like but didn’t know existed, and I wasn’t at all disappointed – many productive hours were rendered less productive but very informative. Aside from the day to day drudgery of work, I began to really feel the power of the internet and spent every spare moment investigating new and exciting developments. My passion was somewhat dampened when, as webmaster, I attempted to expound the glories of RSS feeds and online forums, only to be told repeatedly that there was no budget allocated to the website other than for routine maintenance. I eventually gave up pushing for redevelopment and placed my energies elsewhere, but remained faithful to StumbleUpon and kept an ever-growing pile of notes laden with ideas for the maybe-one-day-we’ll-consider-getting-a-new website.

THE n00b CHRONICLES (I) – THERE’S SOMETHING OUT THERE…

// April 29th, 2008 // No Comments » // dirt on the author, geek stuff

Finally I can upload pictures to my blog. Being someone who can read, but prefers looking at the pictures, I lost interest in blogging regularly when I couldn’t talk in images, but that’s all changed – yaaaay!

It feels so damn awesome to be able to sit in my (smallish, now very packed) room, watch dvd’s, surf the internet and write. AND smoke without having to go outside in the freezing cold every half an hour (meaning my coffee consumption has tripled).

My first forays into the internet came relatively late in life (circa 2003). After 8 fab years of having South Africa’s wilderness as my playground and source of scientific scrutiny, life finally offered me a choice: move to Wales and further my studies in marine biology or bite the bullet, stay in Cape Town and hope for better things. Wales was definitely out of the question – it’s reputed to be even soggier and more depressing than London where I white-knuckled one truly miserably forgettable year.

So I stuck around and sent out my CV like a fiend. The reality of the practical usefulness (or rather lack thereof) of 8 years of academic study slowly sank in over the next few months and I ended up with a solid job, as many of us masters graduates do, behind a bar. After many mind numbingly boring weeks, many drunken nights, too much bar food and one armed robbery thrown in for good measure, a close friend offered me a job working as an office manager for his company.

So I was introduced to the magical and oft-overlooked world of vacuum pumps, suction cups and dynamometers (no, that’s not a made up word) and with them, the internet. It’s funny looking back, that we never really used or needed it when I was studying marine biology – all our reference work was done in libraries and the most we used computers for was writing and number-crunching. In fact, studying as an undergraduate, the first typed document I ever handed in was a botany paper in about 1995!

OOOPS!

// February 3rd, 2008 // No Comments » // dirt on the author

OK so now it’s Feb 2008!!!…..So blog not tackled again for a few months or so due to a long sulk about not being allowed to upload pictures??

OK so I’m a really bad blogger…

The buff, looking back from a year later is about as clear now as it was a week afterwards, principally due to the large quantity of beer consumed. It was actually a full-on jol once I could actually walk (400k’s on the back of a bike does pretty nasty things to your butt.).

When I do move onto a blogging platform that allows for image upload, I’ll complete the tale in pictures as you wouldn’t believe me if I wrote it down.

But on to bigger and better things….

BRB

// March 22nd, 2007 // No Comments » // dirt on the author

Hey boys and grrrls, due to being a victim of unfortunate circumstances (including biker rallies, subsequent hangunders and mindbending amounts of work to catch up), i feel like a really bad blogger. I have this nagging little voice inside my head saying “you gotta write a post…come ooon, write a post, dammit, you’ve seen at least three men expose themselves in the last week – that’s more than you usually get in a whole year!”.

So, i promise i shall soon write a post telling you all about the Buffalo Rally, which I was lucky (?) enough to attend last Weekend. If you’re really good, I’ll also post some pictures (that might make this into an adult content site, but we’re all grownups here, right? Bwahahaha!)

l8Rs

WHY NOT?

// February 20th, 2007 // 2 Comments » // dirt on the author

So finally I have plucked up the courage to start blogging. Everyone is doing it, or so I’ve heard..even the mysoginistic megalomaniacs I work near have started doing it, although I suspect their intentions are somewhat different from mine. From what i can gather their blogs (set up by yours truly) are purely for the purposes of mental masturbation.

Or mutual mental masturbation.

It involves masturbation of some kind…Hardly surprising for a bunch of wankers (no, I love them really, i just couldn’t resist the literary urge).

My motives are altogether more pure. I was watching Bridget’s Jones’s Diary the other day (favorite movie of all time, I AM actually Bridget Jones…really…without the happy ending of course…yet), and the opening line resonated with my beer swilling soul.

“Have resolved to start a diary and not spend the holidays alone, drinking vodka and listening to SAD FM, easy listening for the over 30′s, will obviously lose 20 pounds, quit smoking and drinking, and not form romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, megalomaniacs, attention seekers or perverts”

Think that about sums it up

Thanks to Jayxter for setting up this rant forum

expect more ranting soon